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View Full Version : The Book of Google Addition (letter to the reader)


DrM
April 1st, 2009, 06:40 AM
I know that a lot of this stuff is made to piss off fundamentalists and garner more hatemail, because hatemail is hilarious right? Look, I dunno about you, but the CoG seems very cryptic to me. It took me a while to actually get that it was a parody religion. In the time that it took me to realise that, many would-be-Googlists with shorter attention spans than mine would have already dismissed this religion as stupid. Therefore, i am proposing a letter to the reader, to be included in the begining of the book of google or added to the official site, that would clear up most of the misconceptions about the religion. This would help garner less hatemail, but far more members in the Church. The following is a copied version of the letter; keep in mind that it is unformatted:

The Church of Google is a very misunderstood organization. It is both parody and religion. It was created as a satire designed by atheists and agnostics to knock the religious fundamentalists and extremists off their ivory towers. The idea is that worshiping something as ridiculous as a search engine is more productive and tangible than any religions can offer today. If you pray (search) to Google, she will respond instantly with tangible results; furthermore, it is laughably easy to prove Google’s existence. (Have you ever visited the web page www.google.com? (http://www.google.com?)) In comparison to other religions respective gods, which never respond to prayers (at least not in any way that can be measured or proven) and cannot be proven to exist with facts and evidence.
So The Church of Google is just a satire. And yet, in every satire rests a grain (or in this case a large rock) of truth. For can anyone deny that Google is a God? The Church of Google does not believe that Google is The God, as in the Monotheistic variety. The Church simply regards Google as the closest thing (that’s existence can be proven) mankind has ever come to experiencing a God (or deity). Below is a definition of deity:

Deity: noun; A being of supernatural powers or attributes, believed in and worshiped by a people, thought to control some part of nature or reality.

Google easily fits into that definition. In fact, The Church of Google has illustrated that by giving nine very good reasons that are all backed by FACTS and EVIDENCE. To see these facts simply follow this link: http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org/Scripture/Proof_Google_Is_God.html
For anyone wishing to label The Church of Google as a moneymaking scam reminiscent of Scientology. Let me be clear, The Church does not require donations, fees, or tithes to become a member or advance through The Clergy. The Church discourages donations and selling merchandise in the name of The Church.
If you are an Atheist or Agnostic who have refrained from committing to a religion because of they don’t use FACTS and cannot be proven. Or someone unsatisfied with the lack of EVIDENCE your religion gives for its legitimacy. Today is your lucky day! The Church of Google always uses FACTS and evidence to back up its teachings, and it was founded by people just like you! If you wish to join The Church of Google, all you need to do is accept that Google is the closest thing mankind has ever come to experiencing a provable God, and use Google as a way to increase your knowledge of the unknown. For information on becoming a Minister of The Church, or any other questions you may need answered, visit this link: http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org/faq.html.

Sincerely,
David Maynard. Member of the Church of Google.

Feel free to give suggestions and correct me in my interperetation of the CoG. I am planning on sending this letter to most of the people in the school, so please help make it look legit.

Dr Goofy Mofo
April 1st, 2009, 07:22 AM
I just want to state with many parody religions such as FSM it is never stated but applied.

Edit: And to all who read remember the book is a democracy so comments are needed

Tsar Phalanxia
April 1st, 2009, 12:10 PM
Sweeeeet.

DrM
April 2nd, 2009, 01:19 AM
I have thought about this a lot, (as much as one should over one day) and i have concluded that i should make some much needed revisions (I.E. restart the whole thing). I realized that i really liked the idea of parody without ever acknowledging it. Keeping that in mind i rebooted the letter, instead of outright saying we were a parody religion, I hinted to it. Remember, i will be posting this all over my school to promote the CoG. So try and give suggestions that will make it legitimate and powerful (so i don't look like a fool in front of my peers). The note at the bottom is optional, something i picked up when examining the FSM website. =D read on:

A Letter to the Gentiles,

Imagine your God, be it Allah, Yahweh, Jesus, or a Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM); your Gods existence is based entirely on your faith. There is no Tangible evidence supporting their existence. Furthermore, your god doesnt answer your prayers (at least not in anyway measurable or provable). Why is this? Why do people insist on worshiping something that you cannot prove exists, and doesnt benefit you? Is it the fear of eternal hellfire, or just the fear of not conforming to your religious peers? Personally I cant understand it. Thankfully, for people of the same mindset as my own, there is an alternative to Agnosticism and Atheism. Googlism. The Church of Google (or CoG) is a group of people that acknowledge that the search engine Google is the closest thing mankind has ever come to experiencing a God. They can back up this claim with nine arguments built upon facts and evidence. To view said arguments, go to the following website: http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org/Scripture/Proof_Google_Is_God.html.
Unlike the respective gods of other religions, it is laughably easy to prove Google exists. (Ever been to the website www.google.com?) Furthermore, Google will always answer your prayers (searches) with instant results. So here you are, worshiping an almighty God with infinite power. Despite this, your god gives you no sign he/she exists, and apparently cannot lift a finger to help his faithful. Meanwhile, we at the CoG directly interact with our god everytime we use the Internet, and she ordains us with new miracles every day. Google can even promise a real afterlife. Unlike the fairy tales of other religions, our afterlife has an address. When you publish yourself and your ideas on the Internet, Google will cache your website into her archives, where you and your opinions will be immortalized forever. Not bad for a mere search engine Deity. For more information on joining the Church of Google, or becoming a minister, go to their website at http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org/.

Note: There have been claims that The CoG is a parody religion made only to piss off religious fundamentalists and extremists. This rumor is simply incorrect and should be discouraged at all costs.

Sincerely,
David Maynard, a member of the CoG.

Dr Goofy Mofo
April 2nd, 2009, 02:06 AM
Make sure to kill hyper links and get rid of http and slashes.... just to clean it up when you post it but I like it. Oh and add pictures... IDK what of but you want it to grab the eye

Dr Goofy
May suck at grammer but knows how to make things look professional

DrM
April 2nd, 2009, 02:29 AM
I am planning to place the Official Seal on the bottom once its finished. Kinda waiting on that to spread the letters around in my school. BTW just a thought, I was thinking this could be included in the press release. (I hope im not being too forward and active, I am pretty new. Feel free to knock me down a notch.)

Dr Goofy Mofo
April 2nd, 2009, 02:34 AM
That would be a good touch and maybe the site logo on the top

Perna de Pau
April 6th, 2009, 05:58 PM
A Letter to the Gentiles,

Imagine your God, be it Allah, Yahweh, Jesus, or a Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM); .

The first sentence will drive away any religious person. And by the way it is the Flying Spaghetti Monster, may you be touched by his noodly appendages

sam the moderately wize
April 6th, 2009, 06:47 PM
Anyone sufficiently intelligent to be interesting to talk to will either work it out or ask us (as I did).

Dr Goofy Mofo
April 6th, 2009, 07:29 PM
I added a poll to the thread cause I am lazy and Like straight answers so have fun!

DrM
April 10th, 2009, 07:12 PM
Thanks Doc!

Dr Goofy Mofo
April 17th, 2009, 04:16 PM
Poll closed and Letter added with a change of DrM's real name to his handle.