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OfficerFriendly
February 4th, 2010, 12:41 AM
The 1st
Affair



A married man was
having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went to her
place and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell
asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and
told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and
the dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where
have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he
replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex
all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and
said:
'You lying bastard! You've been playing
golf!'


The 2nd
Affair

A
middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son
they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a
healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to
see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had
ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the
father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I
fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The
wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!'




The
3rd Affair

A
mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr.
Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling
discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever
seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I
can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private
part. It must be saved for posterity..'

So, he removed
it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

'I
have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his
wife, opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife
exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'




The 4th
Affair

A woman was in bed
with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front
door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She
rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum
powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend
you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he
entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths
bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'

No more
was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the
husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a
beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like
that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned
thing.'




The 5th
Affair

A man
walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a
beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One
Cent?' the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and
asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of
wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?'
exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The
bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked:
'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'

The bartender
replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down
here.'




The 6th
& Best Affair

Jake
was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said
weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need
to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in
peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend,
and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and
let the poison work

Cheesemonkeys24
February 4th, 2010, 01:43 AM
LAWL!:icon_lol:

tagnostic
February 4th, 2010, 07:49 AM
you should read
'the decameron'
boccaccio
100 of those from the middle ages
hilarious

Razloga
February 8th, 2010, 11:50 AM
6th one was awesome. Thank you for them..

stanislarr
March 18th, 2010, 11:23 AM
yes thank u thats what i think im looking for...idk but ill have to look and see if i can find any good s6s if no im sure there are a few good 318 around here...another quesion though i was told if i change my clutch the 3 in the floor i have might just work for the 318...is that true or is there any way to know???

tagnostic
March 18th, 2010, 05:57 PM
no matter how hard you try
and how much beer you drink
you cannot fit an 11" flywheel
into a 10" bell housing

huntedbyninjas
March 20th, 2010, 06:27 PM
thats too cool. i'm not much for adultery but those were funny.