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Old November 15th, 2006, 12:11 PM   #1
Alice Shade
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Default Some religious jokes...

Jesus crosses the lake, leading apostles. Everyone is stepping in the surface, and not sinking, following Jesus in a line. Suddenly, Peter steps aside, and submerges in water to his waist. He cries out:
- Oh, Jesus, why did I sunk? Was that step to the side all that sinful?!
Jesus heaves a sigh, and replies:
- Peter, stop goofing out, and walk on sandbar, like everyone else.

___________________________________________________________

Priest and bus driver meet at the gates of Heaven. Surprisingly, St. Peter first talked to bus driver, welcomed him, explained him everything, gave him map to heaven, and sent him off with warmest wishes. Then, turns to priest:
- Oh.. You? What are you stanging here for, go on in.
Priest cries out:
- Saint Peter! Did I not served God all my life? So why sinful bus driver gets more respect, then I do?
- Well, you see... It`s the matter of performance. On your preaches, everyone slept. But when he drove the bus, everyone was praying.

___________________________________________________________

Man went camping/fishing to river. He just set his camp by the big cliff, when he sees two men on the cliff. Suddenly, he sees one jumping off the cliff... And appearing back on it in five seconds. Camper gers surprised, and goes to ask those men, what are they doing.
- Hey there... Uh, did I just saw you jumping off the cliff?
One of men replies:
- Yea, man. See, there are ascending air current by the face of cliff. You jump in on it, and it carries you back up. Wanna try?
Camper gets all exited, jumps off the cliff.... Spash-glub-glub-glub-sink. Second man looks on first, and says:
- You know, Jesus... You might be god, but you`re such a prick.

___________________________________________________________

Preacher and vicar play bowling. Priest rolls the ball, and totally strikes out, not even one pin fell. He swears:
- Fuck, I missed!
Vicar shakes head:
- Reverend, do not curse, please.
Next toss, priest strikes out again:
- Fuck, what`s wrong with this damned ball? Missed again!
Vicar gets distressed:
- Reverend, please, ebb your cursing, for it`s a sin!
Third toss, and priest... Yes, strikes out again:
- FUCK!
Suddenly, roof is ripped off by a gust of wind, and lightning falls down, incinerating vicar in the spot. Voice from the sky:
- Fuck, I missed!
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Old November 15th, 2006, 01:07 PM   #2
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I have seen those all in different variations, the bus driver was replaced with a taxi driver, more scary, and the sand bar with sewage pipe. Still funny though.
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Old November 15th, 2006, 02:54 PM   #3
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Heh. Sewage pipe in Jesus time would be hilarious all by itself.

As for taxi... I dunno. I think, that getting mashed into hairy strawberry jam with +50 complete strangers is scarier, then by yourself.
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Old November 15th, 2006, 04:30 PM   #4
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There is a long running and accurate joke about taxi drivers being dangerous. Especially in New York. Generally it is the sidewalk walker that is the one that get's squished.
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Old August 1st, 2007, 01:27 AM   #5
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Default Re: Some religious jokes...

I've heard the bowling one before too but in golf..

A man and a priest are playing golf.
On the first hole, the man misses a 10 foot putt and says "Damn it! missed the bugger!"
The priest replies " you shouldnt not say that its a sin"
On the next hole the man misses a 5 foot putt and says "damn it! missed the bugger!"
The priest replies " that is a sin, if you say it again god will smite you"
On the next hole the man misses a 2 foot putt and says "damn it! missed the bugger!"
At once the heavens open and a lightening bolt comes down and strikes THE PRIEST dead.
God says: "Damn it missed the bugger!"
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