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Old October 9th, 2006, 08:24 AM   #1
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Default JOKES JOKES JOKES

WARNING: IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFRNDED DO NOT GO FURTHER. PISS OFF ELSEWHERE WHERE YOUR SENSIBILITIES WILL NOT BE HURT.
To all others this is a site for humour what you post is up to you jokes, links whatever.
ENJOY
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Old October 9th, 2006, 08:42 AM   #2
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Default CONFESSION

This bloke goes to confession:
B: bless me father for I have sinned
P: tell me my son what have you done?
B: I took my wife in a moment of lust father, there was no love in our bonding
P: tell me what happened my son
B: well father, she was bending into the freezer to get a turkey and it was at the bottom of the machine father
P: then what happened?
B: well, she was wearing a short mini skirt and it rode up to expose the cheeks of her arse and I couldn't help myself, I pulled up her skirt and tore off her knickers and screwed her right there with her head in the freezer
P: well son as far as confessions go, that isn't too bad. The church has no rules regarding the proper time and place for propagation
B: so it is all right then?
P; yes my son; for the act of carnal thought you will say 10 hail Marys' and that should do it
B: what you are not going to chuck us out of the church or anything?
P: no my son; why would you think such a thing?
B: well they chucked us out of Woolworths!
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Old October 9th, 2006, 08:52 AM   #3
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A guy walks into a pub and sees Gearge Bush and Donald Rumsfeld, sitting up the end of the bar, deep in conversation. He buys a beer, watching them for a while, and decides he'll go and introduce himself.

'Very pleased to meet you two', he says 'Can I ask what you're talking about?'

'We're planning the War on Terror', said GWB, 'and we've decided we're going to kill 30 million Muslims and one big titted blonde.'

'Whay are you going to kill the big titted blonde??', said the guy, horrified.

George Dubya turned to Donald Rumsfeld and said 'See? I told ya no-one cares about 30 million Muslims'.
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Old October 9th, 2006, 02:18 PM   #4
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big lol to both.

God, Yahweh and Allah walk into a bar. They all order a beer.

Bartender: That'l be fifteen pounds please
God: I'l take this one
Bartender: Its not very often that we get so many representations of the monotheistic abrahamic deity in here.
Yahweh: Well at these prices im not surprised!
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Old October 9th, 2006, 02:26 PM   #5
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A side of bacon and a dozen eggs walk into a diner;
the waitress takes one look at them and says 'sorry we don't serve breakfast in here'
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Old October 9th, 2006, 05:34 PM   #6
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A Catholic priest, a Baptist minister and a Rabbi were playing golf.

It was a stinking hot day and there was nobody around so they decided to strip off and play naked just like the way the Lord had brought them into the world.

No sooner had they got their clothes off when they heard some women golfers approaching.

All three ran to the bushes to hide, the priest and the minister with their hands over their private parts, the rabbi with his hands over his face.

While they were in the bushes waiting for the women to pass, the priest and the minister asked why the Rabbi had covered his face and not his private parts

The Rabbi replied 'Well I don't know about in your congregations but in my congregation it's my face they would recognise'
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Old October 9th, 2006, 06:34 PM   #7
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LOL.

What does having sex in a canoe and drinking American beer have in common?



Too much fucking water!
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Old October 10th, 2006, 12:53 AM   #8
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GoogleIsANoob2



LOL, ROFL, LMAO....thats the biggest joke on here wouldnt you agree.....give up some smileys if you agree.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Old October 10th, 2006, 01:03 AM   #9
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A madam is at her greeting desk in her whore house when she hears someone clear his throat. She looks around but doesn't see anyone. Thinking it nothing she goes back to her magazine and hears someone clearing his throat again. This time she stands up and sees a little koala bear in a vest, shirt and tie, and holding his bowler hat, looking rather sheepish. He hands her a card that says simply, "I need a woman, please."

As he had the correct money she sends him down the hall to an available girl. The woman lets the koala in her room and he stands nervously. She sits on her bed at which point he dives between her legs and gives her hours and hours of unrestrained oral pleasure. When he finally stops she's spent from all the fun she's had. At this point the koala picks up his bowler hat and begins to leave.

She calls after him, "Don't you want anything in return?"

The bear stops, picks up a dictionary from the shelf and opens it to 'koala bear' and shows it to the woman. She reads, "Koala Bear, noun, a small marsupial native to Australia." Looking at the bear she asks, "So?"

He points again at the definiton, so she continues to read, "Eats bush and leaves."
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Old October 10th, 2006, 01:10 AM   #10
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.
.
.
A rather jaded guy goes to a whore house and asks the madam, "I've f*cked just about every hole in every way, do you have anything new here?" She tells him to go down to the last door on the right and see Mandy. Knocking on the door he finds a rather unattractive woman sitting there. He asks what her speciality is, she says nothing but takes out her glass eye and tells him to f*ck the socket. After some convincing he does so, and finds it to be the best sex he ever had. "I'm definately coming back to see you, Mandy!"

"Please do, I'll keep an eye out for ya!"
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